Friday, October 28, 2011

Still gotta be Mama

Just a quick post to say....I haven't had the chance to DO things to avoid losing my fucking mind. My daughter has been very suicidal and it seems to only be getting worse. With every hospital admittance, she comes back with even more disturbing thoughts and behaviors. I just watch her closely and pray/hope that her meds...SOMETHING kicks in. Obviously, I will take her back to the hospital if/when I feel like she's totally unmanageable. She saw a new psychiatrist today....hoping THIS is the one that finally gets her to a point where she can have some semblance of a 'normal' childhood.... You know, one where she's happy, has friends, enjoys going places and doesn't think about death the majority of the day.

It's so beyond fucked up that I had one child die and I'm now fighting to keep another alive. I guess keeping my oldest child safe and distracted is a 'thing I do to keep from losing my fucking mind'.....but how much longer will I be able to 'hold it together' before I lose MY fucking mind? Positive thoughts for my beautiful oldest baby girl, please......

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