A New Family Member

Well, my husband and I decided shortly after the Universe shit on us once again, to get a kitten. I kept thinking to myself, that our cat needed to nurture a kitten...that she's missing something. Well, cats aren't humans and I really doubt that she felt much loss. It's we humans that are fucked up for life after a child dies. I kinda wish I was a cat. Ideally, we would have welcomed orphaned kittens in hopes that our Gnocchi's mothering instincts would kick in and she'd nurse and care for them. The humane society didn't recommend it because of disease. Good point.

So, the family and I jumped in the car and went up to the humane society. My husband and I agreed that we both liked black cats so that's what we set out to find.

My oldest daughter recently had a hospitalization due to emotional instability and was doing so well but the loss of the kittens really hit her hard. We thought that having a new furry family member would take our minds off of how fucked up our lives have become. Well, when we got ready to pull out of the garage, I turned around to find my oldest daughter with sunglasses on and her head in her hands, sobbing. I thought to myself...."OH NO....please not again!" I asked her what was wrong and she couldn't verbalize it....just sobbed. When we got the humane society....all she could do was sob and that lasted for about 3hours straight. She kept yelling about how mad she was at god..."how could this have happened...again?". "If god existed, he wouldn't allow bad things to happen". It was so difficult for me to explain or even talk her out of.....I FEEL THE SAME FUCKING WAY!!! I told her that if she choses to not to believe in god, then she had to stop complaining and just accept the fact that these things just happened and no one is responsible. I know it's a lot for an 11yr old to grasp....it's often beyond me!

Anyway, after the 3hrs of sobbing....she went in between sobbing and laughing hysterically and uncontrollably. I felt so helpless.... I had no idea what to do for her.... The previous week, her father went in threatening her psychiatrist and told her that there was nothing wrong with my daughter. There's a court order stating that he has no medical rights to my daughter because he's interfered in the past....trying to get full custody of her. The courts made no changes....I remain the custodial parent but I spent a year in court and thousands of dollars. Anyway, her psychiatrist changed her plan of treatment while my daughter was admitted into the hospital the week before.... They took her off of 3 medications and started her on 1 new one in a matter of 2 1/2 days and discharged her. SO WRONG! Because of her father's interference, her psychiatrist told me that she wasn't prescribing any other medication until her father and I went to counseling. Ok....I've gone to counseling with him, trying to get on the same page, several times without success. Her father is too undisciplined or too self-centered to help his child.

Well, the cat that we wanted was in foster care and we made arrangements to pick him up the next day. The next day came and my daughter was even more unstable. Her father made arrangements to pick her up and I knew that he would be beside himself with her. 4 minutes...4 minutes into the ride he called me, and I could hear her in the background, to tell me how difficult she was being for him. My response was..."there's nothing wrong with her...remember? and...good luck"! I had already warned my mother to not give in and bail him out like she normally did when my daughter was having a crisis. I'm so proud of her because he called and she went off on him. He called me asking to bring her back home and I told him that she was too unstable to bring back, raging at that time of day and if he thought she was doing so poorly, to take her to the hospital.... and he did. WOW!

We were there for 11 1/2 hours before they transferred her and admitted her to another hospital because they were full. He began lecturing and arguing with our unstable child and I just about lost my mind. There is no reasoning with him and no reasoning with my daughter when she is unstable. I guess the apple don't fall far from the tree. He, of course, made it about himself once again and began crying as she was talking out of her head. All I could think was REALLY!?!?!? This isn't new behavior...I've grown quite numb to it!!! You horrible fucking person that made your child suffer for years, fighting her mother, talking shit about her mother, telling your child there was nothing wrong with her when she knew that she was unwell and suffering...and you're going to sit here and cry??? Shame on you...asshole!!! She's been in the hospital for 1week now. She entered extremely depressed and it made my heart ache for her to be so miserable and unhappy.... Well, now, she's on the opposite end, and manic.....so, they're trying to get her somewhere in between so that she doesn't come home and crash. Needless to say, we're working on a new psych....that experience was torturous for my daughter and the rest of the family. Prayers and positive thoughts for my beautiful (inside and out) big baby girl, please.

I got a kitty. Ok....here is our little guy. He has brought a little sunshine to our lives! So much fun and so much personality. His name is Bodhi... Bodhi is actually a kind of tree and it is said that Buddha sat under a Bodhi tree and had an awakening and gained enlightenment.